God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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