are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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