dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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