my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
