Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
