i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
