Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
