So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
