If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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