I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Still dying that you shit outside
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
