remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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