they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
