i just made my gag reflex go away.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
