from now on my penis is your penis
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
