Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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