she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
