Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
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finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
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Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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