Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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