is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You ruined the universe
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
