You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
