It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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