No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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