Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize