Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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