we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
