I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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