He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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