am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize