OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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