so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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