how can u be prego again
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
