Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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