Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
