hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
