All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
