I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
