Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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