he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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