There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize