Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
