My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
