The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
