Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
