Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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