I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
