I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You were trust falling into bushes
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
