God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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