i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
