I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
