we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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