Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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