Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I will be naked everywhere
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
