i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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