Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
