Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
