I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
