remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
