you're like a bully in the Christmas story
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
