Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
