what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
