and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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