After last night, I could never be a politician.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
